How To Be An Adult

I’ve been trying to come up with an incredibly clever Blog post for the past week now; that would not only earn your forgiveness for my absence, but also capture your attention and make you undoubtedly want to be my best friend. However, due to my elderly nature and love for board games, I think I’m stuck with having strictly feline pals for life. Today’s Blog will not be about me trying to make friends though, so don’t worry. (That topic may take an entire book.) Today, I want to talk about adulthood. I figure most of you reading this, are either adults or becoming one in the near future. So for you younger ones, let me just take away everything you were looking forward to.

ADULTHOOD 101

BILLS

Once you become an adult, you will no longer be looking forward to checking your mailbox. Mail is no longer ‘fun’. It’s no longer going to be grandma sending you a birthday card, it’s going to be Joe the car insurance guy demanding you send him $200 before September 22^nd.

CLEANING

It never ends. There is always cleaning to be done. Especially when you have cats that like to “destroy everything you love”.

SLEEPOVERS

Sleepovers stop being a “thing”. Remember when you became a teenager and sleepovers were all the rage? Well now Becky and Sarah have their own place and probably need to go home to their central air and responsibilities.

ROUTINE

If you don’t have a routine, you will most likely find yourself laying in bed with a bag of pita chips and binge watching ‘Friends’ all day, claiming that it’s research for your acting career.

FRIENDS

Speaking of ‘Friends’, meeting friends as an adult is much more difficult than it looks on the hit sitcom. You will not enjoy every person you encounter. However, if that person has cats, you should probably continue to talk to them, so you can have cat play dates, so your cat wont be the loner cat with no other cat friends. How many more times can I say cat?

DATING

It’s not like the movies. In fact, if you want to learn more about dating in 2015, you should download Tinder or watch MTV’s Catfish. It will help lower your standards and give you a clearer outlook on life.

BIRTHDAYS

Birthdays are now just a reminder that your life is slipping away. Why have a party? Instead, just have some wine and stalk yourself on Facebook, reminiscing about the days you thought you were going to be on Disney Channel and date Nick Jonas.

COOKING

There’s not going to be a day you wake up and realize you’re Rachael Ray. You will not be able to cook, unless you teach yourself. But since that’s a lot of work, you’ll probably master 1-3 dishes and eat that for the rest of your life.

HELP

You are now your own self-help book. Most of the time, you’re going to have to solve your own problems. However, if things get real tough, you can either call a family member, or refer to this extremely helpful Blog I’ve neglected for the past few months. Lucky for you, I’m back. And I’m sorry.

Enjoy adulthood,

Renee